"The most heartbreaking moments for me in life...

...have always been moments like this, like that couple on the street — things so beautiful I felt I almost had to look away — when there was no one there to share it with. I found myself turning around, instinctively looking for someone, anyone, to share and confirm this for me. Isn’t this amazing? I know." I love posts like this on Thought Catalog. In fact, I love Thought Catalog. ♥

Here's to another year!

I just spent the most wonderful New Year's Eve in Frankenmuth, MI celebrating the marriage of my cousin Ryan to his beautiful wife Alissa. It was definitely the most fun I've had at a wedding thus far.

I've been feeling incredibly nostalgic all day (typical) and I am really looking forward to what 2012 has in store. If it's anything like 2011, it's going to be a great year.

Much love to you and yours!

Throwback! Boy bands of the 90s featuring: LFO

But then I think about the time when we broke up before the prom and you told everyone that I was gay. Okay. Sometimes I walk around the town for hours just to settle down, but I take you back and you kick me down 'cuz that's the way uh huh uh huh I like it.

It's a two post day.

Why you ask?

Because I am thinking way too much for my own good, missing my friends and family back in Wheaton, and pondering some of the friendships that I feel drifting away.

Some of those friendships are going faster than others. They seem to be high tailing it out of here and I can't quite figure out why. There are a few in particular that I never in a million years thought would end up like this.

Was it something I said? What it something I did? Or is this one of those "It's not you, it's me" scenarios? Either way, pouring over these things never does me any good, and brings me to tears more often than I'd like to admit. I try to be tough, but let's face it: I'm a softie.

To the friends that are sticking around and are wonderful: I am so thankful for you. For the ones drifting away: I wish you wouldn't because you're still important to me. Those that are drifting at a quicker pace: I'm sad things have turned out this way. I already miss you and am hoping things will turn around.

Well, I guess that's enough Debbie Downer for one night. Sorry about that...

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos."
Charles M. Schulz

I just realized something.

I can't watch Good Morning, Vietnam. I think it's because I associate it with the beginning of a really horrible time in my life.

Huh.

"No, I haven't heard your voice in two week now

and anticipation's been wearing me thin. And I just can't help but wonderin' baby if somehow we could tear these pages out and begin again."
-Matt Wertz

Throwback to last summer.

This was funny last summer, became our theme music for anything that was a major fail, and then was forgotten about...



Until Pat posted this next biddy on Julia's wall. Hilarious!

Here is the point in my life

when I wish I knew what was ahead. I don't want to know intricate details or anything, but I would like to know things like how long I will have to live at home working at Target, if I will get a job in publishing or if that's just a fleeting dream, etc.

Sigh.

I will be back home in Wheaton in one week from today. Probably around this time too.

...I wish this cold would beat it.

Can't stop listening

to this:

Two days in a row

of feeling the same exact way is overwhelming. (See yesterday: March 5, 2010)

I've performed my first and last ever Vagina Monologues performance. Spent time with my parents. Experienced the Peoria Zoo. Drove down Grandview Drive and enjoyed the beautiful day. Shared food and drink with some of the most unexpected friends. Spent time with Anne and Brooke, both of which I've missed very much.

Man.

☮ ♥ ({})

Signing off. Goodnight and good luck.

Geranium kisser

Skin like silk and face like glass
Don't confront me with my failures
Kiss me with your mouth open
For your love, better than wine
For your cologne is really fragrant
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Your hair is like an eagle
Your two eyes are like two doves
But our bed is like a failure
All day up in the family
At the waning of the light
To the chamber that conceived me
Call on me, call on me, call on me

Geranium killer
Throat of soil of and mind like stone
Please don't defend a silver lining
Around the halo of what is already shining
When all the planets are aligning
For an afternoon that's never ending
Call on me, call on me, call on me

So last night I was thinking

about all of my friends that are getting married/starting families. I was also thinking about how I don't feel like I am ready to get married yet, or have babies, or any of that. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it isn't that I am not ready or not capable of doing these things and doing them well, it's just that I feel like I have so much more living to do before I reach that point.

I want to travel, see the world, and photograph it some more. I want to meet people that challenge me, shape me, break me, and help get me put back together. I want to read until my eyeballs shrivel up and fall out of my head, only for me to dust them off and put them back in again so I can read some more. I want to learn so much it makes my head spin. I want to get so completely lost I think I'll never find my way and then blaze a trail to where I need to be. I want to feel alive, vibrant and, more than anything else, happy.

I wish the best for my friends starting new lives with significant others, and I can't wait 'til I get there, but right now I'm in no hurry.

"life is so ridiculously gorgeous, strange, heartbreaking, horrific, etc., that we are compelled to describe it to ourselves, but we can't! we cannot do it! and so we make art."
(via Taylor Self)

I am in one of those moods

where I am super happy, yet feel like crying all at once.

If you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. (via Julia Eicher)

Isn’t life just a mirage of the world before the world?

via Julia Eicher

Seeing twenty shooting stars

isn't too shabby as far as I am concerned. Especially with the light pollution the suburbs deal with. It was also wonderful to see Kylie, as always.

Heading back to Peoria tomorrow. Here's to hoping my key is where it needs to be so I can move in. Bring on senior year.

Farewell NYC

Waterworks have begun. :(

Forgotten Chicago

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

Yet somehow I kind of want to spend it alone, doing my own thing. But I don't know what I want to do. I see a problem with this.

I saw 500 Days of Summer yesterday and absolutely LOVED it. Check it out:



It seriously put me in such an extraordinary mood. :) Joseph Gordon-Levitt was great! I remember the days when he was on 3rd Rock from the Sun.

Maybe I will go to the Museum of Natural History. Just maybe.

I don't want to leave this city.